Today has been a rough day all around, and has left me feeling mentally exhausted and hopeless. To start, an offer we had on our other home that is for sale fell through. We moved from this home for many reasons, mostly related to his PTSD. It was too out in the open/exposed, the neighbors were constantly hunting on their properties and he jumped every time he heard a gunshot, his one vice is fishing and he was driving 60mi each trip to go fishing and so it was just better all around for us to move to the lake. Anyways, the buyers had some drama with their realtor and their contract and because we can’t afford to pay the agents commission and the closing costs, and neither can they, it fell through. This would have felt like the weight of the world was lifted off our shoulders. We had come down on the price by 14k to get it sold. When I got the final word I just wanted to cry (but couldn’t since it would have upset him and the kids) so I have to just keep moving forward with this fake smile.
Today is also hard because everyone I know has plans tonight. I’m not big into going out but it would be nice to be able to have some friends to hang out with and watch the ball drop, play board games, whatever, just like the good old days. But his PTSD makes it impossible for us to have any friends, and all my friends I had before marrying him are gone, they don’t understand the situation or why I can never get together or attend events etc. sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to. A therapist is out of the question, I don’t have the money or the time.
Sorry to be such a downer. I hope you guys understand that this is the only place I have to get all of this out and off my chest. I have no one. No friends, no family, just here.
Happy New Year bloggies. I wish you a year full of love, good health, happiness, and inner peace.